Posts Tagged ‘letters’

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A quick note from your better half…

November 5, 2008

Dear Essaytch:

I know work has been busy lately. Since your recent promotion from Company Vagabond to Queen Executive Assistant, your workload has quite literally doubled–and that is thrilling! Nothing is better than a full day of solid work, and trust me: you’d rather be busy than bored to tears.

That being said, you still need to eat. And pee–going to the bathroom is critical. If you need to schedule time to eat and pee, then do it. Because right now, it’s almost 2 pm and you just left your desk for the first time today to use the bathroom. And you still haven’t eaten. And we are HUNGRY.

It would probably also be a good idea to head back to the gym right after you get off work. You might not feel stressed out now, but trust me–a few more weeks of this, and you will. Working off a little of that steam on the treadmill will not only do wonders for your mental health, but your body will thank you too. Especially when it hasn’t dropped dead before the new year.

Sincerely,

Your Self

ps…Why are you still sitting there?! GO EAT!!

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Ummmmm…..wah-happa?

April 5, 2008

Dear WordPress,

I is confused. What happened to my blog dashboard? I log in, and I do not recognize where I am! I cannot find where you have put things, and I am disoriented by all the new labels. I hate to break it to you, but this whole Beta thing? It’s not working out.

Yours truly, etc, etc, blah blah blah. 

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Ha ha–April Fools! No? Seriously?

April 1, 2008

Being that April is “Letter Writing Month” with NaBloPoMo, I thought I would start things off with a letter from the editor (that would be me):

Dear Reader,

I would like to take this opportunity to say “Thanks” to those of you who keep coming back here every day (all 3 of ya!), frequent commenters and lurkers alike. To the “Blog Friends” I’ve come to know over the past 5 months: I love love LOVE to read your posts and comments, and look forward to seeing what you all have to say on a daily basis. And because you bring so much joy to my life, I’d like to return the favor by hi-lighting some of your genius:

15 Minute Lunch: I lurk here. I specifically find myself returning to this odiferous post.

Veggiemacabre: The things that happen to this guy! Don’t believe me? Check this out. Or maybe this one. Still not convinced? Try this!

[redacted]: Again, I lurk. And I laugh. See why here.

Spambait: Mentioned already in a post the other day, but I wanted to point out specifically why Baron Destructo is my personal hero.

All that being said…

I recently started frequenting a blog authored by one of the Executive Producers of a popular TV show, a gem which has quickly become one of my new daily favorite reads. He recently came under attack by an outraged fan, chastising him (the show head), the other producers, and the network for some casting decisions made during one of the show’s past seasons. The fan expressed himself obnoxiously, which of course, garnered a quick-witted response from the blog author (not wholly undeserved). While the exchange was slightly uncomfortable, in the end the author made a valid final point: “Hey, here’s a novel notion you may want to consider. Perhaps your opinion is just one of many opinions, no better or worse, correct or incorrect.” (To which, of course, the obnoxious fan retorted with the proverbial “Oh don’t give me that crap!” But that’s neither here nor there.)

I, for one, echo the blogger’s thoughts exactly. What are we all doing here, after all? Expressing opinions, going through the paces of a little self-guided therapy session, putting to bed old demons by writing them out on paper, shedding light on some of life’s light-hearted moments. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I’m in it for! But for those who may not see it that way, or who may be confused at the point of this whole ‘blogging’ thing, or just in response to that obnoxious fan (should he ever make it to my teeny corner of the blogosphere and read this-doubtful), I thought I’d conclude with a vocabulary lesson, a “Word of the Day”, if I may.

OPINION: 1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty; 2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal. -Synonyms: notion, idea, impression, sentiment.

I don’t know about you, but I’m FULL of opinions (many of them silly and often baseless). If you don’t like mine, well, I can’t help you there. As for yours? Feel free to express them here. But do keep in mind that, being the Editor, I reserve the right to block you, delete you, or whatever the situation may require, should you turn into aforementioned Obnoxious Superfan Opinion guy.

Yours truly,
Essaytch
“Editor at Large”

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You’ve got mail…psych!

February 18, 2008

Dear Microsoft Outlook (not responding),

I hate you. When I try to open my calendars, you freeze. When I receive new appointment emails, you freeze. Whatever this “Microsoft Exchange Server” thing is that you are always trying to connect to…it sucks, because it doesn’t work. How is it possible that your status can consistently be “Waiting to update this folder”? Can it be that you are perpetually in a state of limbo?

Perhaps this is a personal grudge you have against me, retaliation for some crime committed against you on a previous date. Whatever it was, I assure you it was without intent or malice, and I do apologize profusely. Please, oh PLEASE respond! I have work to do!

Sincerely Frustrated,
Essaytch

Ps…My laptop REALLY hates it when I start swearing at it, especially when it’s already working overtime to put up w/ Vista. Can’t we all just work together?