“What’s In a Name?”

“That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
-Juliet
Romeo & Juliet

While attending a recent happy hour function for work, I was asked by a group of friends if I had any “office crushes”.

“You mean, people at work that I’m interested in?” I replied, a little surprised by the question. “Uh, no.”

Don’t get me wrong: I’ve met a TON of people at the office, and I’ve made several new friends in the year since I was hired. But I go to work to–wait for it–WORK. This isn’t a social club, and the 35^th floor isn’t a bar. Besides: I don’t date people I work with. That’s just a recipe for disaster.

“You mean, there’s no one?! No one you even think is cute?” one of them pressed.

“Well, I’m not DEAD,” I said, a quick glance around the room to see who might be listening.

“So there IS someone! Who?”

“Well, he only walks past my desk a zillion times a day,” I explained. “It’s hard not to notice.”

I paused. Oh what the hell.

“John Johnson,” I confessed, then quickly added: “But it’s not like THAT! I mean, yeah he’s hot. But I’m not interested. I just…notice.”

Blank stares. Confused stares. Concerned stares. My mind races into overdrive. “What did I say?”  I wonder. And then it hits me. My eyes go wide and I clamp my hand over my mouth.

“Oh my god! No, no that’s not who I meant!” I cry out, laughing in embarrassment. “Not John Johnson! Oh my god…I meant Mathew Mathews!”

My friends all breathed a sigh of relief, letting out their own nervous laughter.

“I mean, yes–John Johnson also walks by my desk a million times a day. But that’s totally not who I meant,” I quickly fumble, trying to recover. “I don’t know why his name came out!”

“You totally had me going there for a second,” Sally said with a big laugh. “I was sitting here wondering how to tactfully express my complete disagreement with you on that one!”

See, you have to understand:

John Johnson:

Mathew Mathews:

John Johnson:

Mathew Mathews:

Talk about a Freudian Slip!! Now, Sally calls me Essaytch Johnson (deservedly so–it was hilarious). And every time John Johnson walks by my desk, I turn a million shades of pink, recalling my blunder. At this point, he probably thinks I do have a crush on him. Crap. Oh well–whatever I can do to boost a Klingon’s ego.

Event Horizon: Strike of The Assimilator!

I’m not a Comic Book reader. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I’ve never read a Comic Book in my entire life. My knowledge of Superheroes and their respective Arch Nemesis’ is directly proportionate to the amount of time they get on the Big Screen at the local movie theatre (like Superman, Batman, The Incredible Hulk, Fantastic Four, etc). And from what I understand, film versions of popular Comic Book heroes are generally sub-par and in no way live up to the awesomeness of their literary counterparts (like Superman, Batman, The Incredible Hulk, Fantastic Four, etc).  But if I were to attempt to identify with the Comic Book culture and “join the Collective” by inventing my own villainess alter-ego, the funny and charmingly ‘down to earth’ gal you know as Essaytch by day (well, between the hours of 8am and 5pm), would become The Assimilator by night. My evil aim: to grow the ranks of Sci-Fi Geeks everywhere by assimilating those closest to me into the fold. Being the over-achiever that I am, I’ve already claimed my first victim…

You may recall my last Event Horizon update in which I prophesied that Roomie would soon get sucked in by the inescapable pull of popular Sci-Fi television (namely, Stargate Atlantis). Her resistance has proven futile. With the help of her new boyfriend—we’ll call him The Enabler—Roomie is now a certified Battlestar Galactica fan. With The Enabler’s help supplying the DVDs from his collection, we’ve been watching the series from the beginning. Now I get texts from Roomie at 5pm “Pizza and Battlestar tonight?”. I’ve heard reports that she is perusing BSG Wiki’s, reading spoilers, and re-watching episodes to maximize understanding of plot details and character development.

It’s working….IT’S WORKING!!! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Event Horizon: My journey into Sci-Fi Geekdom…Part Deux

Told you I would need to start a series! Here’s today’s entry, a little IM conversation between Roomie and I about my recent addiction obsession love of Stargate Atlantis:

Essaytch says:

Ok, I am a N-E-R-D

Essaytch says:

I’m reading Joe’s blog and I noticed this guy posted a comment….

Essaytch says:

He was responding to another person’s comment where they made a reference to “PG”

Essaytch says:

And this guy was all ” ‘PG’ being what?”

Essaytch says:

And my immediate response was to roll my eyes and say to myself “Pegasus Galaxy. Duh.”

  Roomie says:

OH

  Roomie says:

MY

  Roomie says:

GOSH

  Roomie says:

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  Roomie says:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  Roomie says:

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Essaytch says:

Told you

Essaytch says:

N

Essaytch says:

E

Essaytch says:

R

Essaytch says:

D

Essaytch says:

You’re going to get sucked in too, I can feel it.

Essaytch says:

And then you’re going to be all “I don’t understand why everyone is so hung up on Sheppard. I mean, McKay is the one who’s REALLY saving everyone’s asses all the time.”

  Roomie says:

uh

  Roomie says:

not that sucked in!

 Essaytch says:

And then I’m gonna say: “But what about Beckett? Why did they have to go and kill him off?!”

 Essaytch says:

And you’ll be all: “That ninny Scottish dude? Nah! The new doctor is much better.”

 Essaytch says:

And then we will come to blows.

 Roomie says:

lol

 Roomie says:

Suuuuure!

 Essaytch says:

Ok, I’m cracking myself up here. Time to go home.

Someone commit me. Or stick me on the first Space Shuttle to the moon…or any other distant planet. But preferably one in THIS solar system…the Wraith are still FAR TOO BIG of a threat out in Pegasus.

 

Event Horizon…

I realized today that I may need to start a series of posts entitled “Event Horizon: My Journey into SciFi Geekdom”. 

*If* I did, this would be today’s entry: 

 April 7th, 2008

I am saddened. Why? Because I missed out on what was probably one of the cooooolest lectures ever:

Physics of the Impossible: A Scientific Exploration Into the World of Phasers, Force Fields, Teleportation, and Time Travel by Michio Kaku.
Invisibility. Teleportation. Mind reading. Psychokinesis. Time travel. Star ships. Parallel universes…. Normally, these would be dismissed by scientists as being “impossible.” But so often in the past, what was once considered “impossible” eventually becomes common place. So might they also become possible in a few decades, centuries, or even millennia? Best-selling author Prof. Michio Kaku explores the fascinating physics behind these fantastic phenomena, and then argues, using the most advanced science known, that we can estimate when they might become possible, or can determine which are truly “impossible.”

 

In an effort to not miss out on such quality programming again, I promptly enrolled in a membership to Seattle’s Sci-Fi Museum, guaranteeing special advance notice of such lectures, free admission, reserved seating, etc. etc. Needless to say, I’ve already got Jeffery Bennett’s lecture Beyond UFOs: The Search for Extraterrestrial Life and its Astonishing Implications for Our Future on my calendar for next week.

Sweet Jesus…

Dear Hiring Manager… (another letter for NaBloPoMo)

On Tuesday, I came across a job posting which piqued my interest. Despite my brief tenure at Fabulous New Job, I thought I might take a risk and apply. Read the job description here (no seriously: read it first), and then let me know if you think the following cover letter does the job grabbing the attention of the hiring manager.

To Whom It May Concern,

I recently read with great interest your job listing seeking individuals wishing to literally launch their careers into a new orbit. While I don’t have engineering experience per se, I believe my unique qualifications as a seasoned administrative assistant make me an excellent candidate for your team.

Over the past ten years in the workforce, I have held a number of roles and responsibilities which have contributed to my development as a critical thinker, team player, and general force to be reckoned with. My current position has me interacting daily with a number of Managing Partners and members of our Board of Directors, leaving me poised and confident, comfortable interacting with all levels of management (my Secret deodorant is a big help too). Working in fast-paced, high-pressure environments has demanded adaptability, attention to detail, and the ability to learn quickly…all qualities which, I am proud to say, I have in spades. In addition, my familiarity with all things Starbucks presents the opportunity for me to act as the chief liaison with the vendor once construction of their first lunar store is complete.

Please see the attached resume, submitted in confidence for your review; professional references will be submitted upon your request. I am confident that your review of my qualifications will solidify me as the only administrative candidate capable of supporting Google as they aim to “leapfrog current terrestrial-based technologies and bring information access to new heights of utility”. Given my familiarity with popular Sci-Fi literature and television programming, you can consider me “briefed” in life at zero-gravity.Thank you for your time and consideration; please feel free to contact me with any questions.

Sincerely,
Essaytch 

UPDATED: If Google’s Copernicus Center is anything like their Zurich office, that would be extra sweet!
(read: hey Chev, thank’s for the link…I lifted it from your comment on Joe’s blog yesterday)