I just caught Pippin chewing on my toothbrush. And now I’m wondering just how long that has been going on for. I guess when you lick your own butt, it’s nice to brush up a bit now and then.
Of course, now I need a new toothbrush…but Pippin will probably just chew on that one too.
Dear Sarah McLachlan,
This has gone on long enough. Your commercial to raise funds for the ASPCA is now on every channel I watch. It used to be that the Bravo Channel was a place I could run to escape, where I could retreat and watch “The Real Housewives of Orange County” without fear. Now, between bouts of laughter at the rediculous antics of my favorite Housewives, I’m faced with the threat of hearing the first few bars of “Angel” as soon as this pops up on the screen:
And I can’t handle it. As a pet owner, my heart absolutely breaks for animals that are victims of abuse and neglect. I can’t for a moment imagine what I would do if anything were to happen to my own baby child…to Pippin. And trust me: if I thought I could make it through the first five minutes, I would be volunteering every weekend at my local Humane Society. But I know I can’t. Not only would I not be able to see through the constant stream of tears, but it would take everything I could muster to not adopt every single one of those animals and bring them home.
You can imagine my reaction every time your commercial comes on: my eyes immediately squeeze shut and I start blindly hunting for the television remote. Becasue if I didn’t, within seconds I would be a blubbering mess.
So for the sake of my emotional stability, could you do me this one favor? Can it with the commercial every five minutes! (This goes for you too, Noah Wile–you and your WWF commercial about the plight of the polar bears.)
Thanks…Essaytch
Oh, and look for my check in the mail…but for the love of God, please don’t send me the free picture of one of the animals my contribution will be helping. Because that would be counterproductive.
Animals and I share a mutual love of one another…especially dogs. I ruffle their ears, they dribble a little pee on my shoes, we rub noses and I don’t mind their slobbery doggie breath. So when my boss announced he would be bringing his dog to the office today, I was excited.
Imagine my dismay, then, when the above mentioned dog arrived, took one sniff at my kitty-scented hands…and turned tail and promptly trotted away! Complete disinterest! I tried a number of times throughout the day to attract her attention, but to no avail. A few times, she feigned interest, let me pat her head, then promptly stuck her nose in the garbage can under my desk.
So at the end of the day, I was delighted when she padded back to my desk to watch me put on my coat and bid me a fond farewel. She smiled at me, pressed up against my legs while I scratched behind her ears. And then….she barfed all over my floor, a smushy puddle of regurgitated dog chow. Charming.
