The view from my desk…

Somebody get this guy a beer to go with his conference call….

In related news, don’t forget to check out another daily dose of bad poetry over at A Year of Bad Poetry! (It sucks pretty hard today.)

A Year of Bad Poetry

On the 22^nd of August, 2008, in an effort to cut through the boredom with the thick knife of wit, a project was born. My co-worker, DJ Nezz, and I, two liberal arts majors awash in a sea of number-crunchers, met our  mutual fear of brain atrophy and dull-mindedness head on (no pun intended).

Destined to break out of the mold, to avoid the fate that ensnares liberal arts majors across the globe—sacrificing our analytical skills and creative minds at the feet of “The Man”—we concocted a plan to keep the mind sharp, the creative juices flowing….and hopefully, one day, make ourselves a little cash. Thus, “A Year of Bad Poems” was born.

Committed to each trying our hand at one bad poem a day for an entire year (which is harder to do than you think, by the way), DJ Nezz and I will be posting our “bad” poetry here in the bloggosphere. We hope they prove as entertaining for you all to read as they are for us to write…and one day, maybe you’ll do us the honor of purchasing our drivel in book form. Hey—stranger things have happened!

Click here or on the “Year of Bad Poems” link in the blogroll. And if you’ve got a poem to share, by all means send it our way! All manner of bad prose is welcome…

Enjoy!

I *Heart* My Job…

When the head of your department leaves the workgroup a voicemail to advise that the department upstairs will be having a Guitar Hero battle from 3-5 on Friday, and things might get a little noisy, I have to chuckle.

Not only is it pretty cool to work for a company that will have in-house happy hours every few months, but to work someplace where they promote healthy video game competition amongst your peers…that’s just frickin’ AWESOME!

Now, where do I sign up? I play a MEAN guitar…
*red red green blueblueblueblueblue WHAMMIE BARRRRRRR!*

dire rift scarves actor corollary

Today I received a very special email from one Sebastian Randolph. It read:

“bergen gobbledygook cheer? respire, picky rift.

gigabit imponderable midstream cheer stratton beatify, member

christ midstream hightail midstream committing.

 

yachtsman spree imponderable

 

christ corollary stratton? fox, brisbane activism.

collision hightail midstream spree scarves dire, naval

shrink paucity fox caret stratton.

 

gobbledygook activism committing

 

observation naval midstream? dire, yachtsman bergen.

 

brisbane clause.”

 

So, without further ado, I typed up this quick response:

“clock paper thumb. sandal marionette iguana?
special envelope headphones! balloon calendar sticky…

texas super note, via scissors umbrella.

picture.”

How Sebastian’s initial email ended up in my Junk Mail folder in the first place, I’ll never know…

BTW, uh WTF? kind of email was that, anyway? (Don’t worry, I didn’t acutally respond…but I did get a chuckle out of it.)

…but next time, WITH COSTUMES!

San Diego Comic-Con 2008 was my first con…and I think it is safe to say, it will NOT be my last. I had so much fun, it’s hard to put into words. Sure, I was by myself, the lines were long, the fans were crazy, the food was ridiculously expensive ($3 for WATER!), the AC was cranked to high heaven, and the crowds were a bit oppressive at times–but that isn’t stopping me for next year! A fellow blogger put out there that we blog friends should make a point to rally in San Diego for SDCC 2009, and I wholeheartedly agree! So, put it on your calendar now, folks: July 23-26, 2009 San Diego Comic-Con 40th Anniversary! (And might I suggest making your hotel reservation NOW…buddy up to keep the rates low and book a room at the Marriott.)

Now that we’ve all agreed on that point, I suppose I should mention that in ‘09, we’re going all out: COSTUMES! Now that I’ve witnessed first hand the absolute absurdity hilarity AWESOMENESS of grown men and women dressing up as their favorite anime/sci-fi/comic book/television/cartoon characters, I think it would be SUPER FUN to join their ranks and dress up too. So start thinking up your costume…here’s a few more pics, to get those creative juices flowing:

There were a LOT of Boba Fetts roaming the pavillion...

Spartans (if only there had been 300 of THESE guys...)

Green Lantern (Billy, I nominate this costume for YOU!)

Bumblebee--yes, there's a PERSON in that thing!

GROWN MEN, I say!

I got dibbs on this one...

TMNT...cowabunga!

If you're shy, remember: No one has to see your face!!

Even if you aren't that creative/daring, just get a good skull mask.

Apparently, Sabretooth eats hotdogs…and rides a hog.

So, it’s day three of Comic-Con 2008 and I’m sitting in my hotel room resting my feet before heading back to the exhibit hall for the Masquerade–no I’m not IN IT, but there’s no way I’m missing all those costumes! Before I continue, I think it is worth mentioning that as I type this, the theme song from Super Mario Brothers (the original–”Boop boop boop, boop boop be-boop…”) is floating through my open window from the street below. Only at Comic-Con…

Anyway, there are many many posts in the works describing my time over the past few days, and I know it will take me quite some time to go through all the photos (I took over 300 yesterday alone) and sum up all the funny stories I’ve heard. But I thought in the meantime, you might appreciate a little nibble of photos, a couple of brushes with fame that I couldn’t catch on film, and my “You’re kidding!” moment of the day:

1) The exhibit hall is a CROWDED place! And depending on what is going on in the booths at any given time–in addition to the strollers, lurkers, and picture takers that generally muck up the aisles–it can be difficult to navigate through the maze of people. Sometimes, you’ve just got to spot an opening and go for it…being careful not to knock over the short people in the process. Which is what I almost did to Anthrax founder Scott Ian. He’s a short dude! I said “Sorry!”, he said “No worries!”, and then dissappeared into the crowd again. SCOTT IAN! From frickin’ ANTHRAX!! It all happened so fast, there was no way to even snap a candid photo…

2) Despite the fact that there are half a dozen or more concessions stands located in the exhibit hall, there always seems to be a 15 minute wait in line for food. There’s really no good time to go, so you’ve just got to get in line and wait it out…growing more and more hungry by the minute. But if you’re lucky, interesting celebrities (or a dozen Darth Vaders) will meander past you while you wait. If you’re me, you’ll get in line behind one and not even know it. I should have known something was up when 3 people came up to the dude in line in front of me and asked to take his picture. He was tall and burly looking, with long wavy blond hair and mutton chops, fingers adorned with silver skull rings. The equally-clueless guy behind me asked him if he rode motorcycles, to which he replied that he had both a Harley and some other kind of custom bike and that, yes, they were quite dangerous–but also very fun to ride. I followed him all the way through the line (he got a hot dog, as did I) before I clued in to who he was…none other than Tyler Mane, aka Sabretooth from the movie X-Men. When the cashier rang me up and said “Dude, you were in line behind Sabretooth!” and the lightbulb finally went off in my head, my hands were full of food and he had already disappeared into the crowd. Nuts!

3) My “No kidding!” moment of the day came when I sat in on author Joe Hill’s panel. Joe’s compilation of short stories, 20th Century Ghosts, is an excellent read for any who love the macabre, horror, or just plain creepy. His first full length novel, Heart-Shaped Box, wasn’t quite as good as his short stories (in my opinion), but Joe has a unique voice and talent for writing that I’ll continue to keep an eye on his work (especially his comic series Lock & Key). As I was sitting waiting for Joe to begin the panel, watching him shuffle his notes around before stepping up to the microphone, I thought to myself “Why does he look so familiar? He definitely looks like someone…but I can’t put my finger on it.” About 10 minutes later, I decided that I thought he looked a little like the Master of Horror himself, Stephen King, and I thought how it might come off as something short of a compliment were I to approach him and say, “Hey Joe! Has anyone ever told you that you look a little like Stephen King?” After all, King is not exactly an attractive guy, and I would say that beneath the beard and glasses, Hill falls into the “decent looking” category.
Anyway, I put the thought aside until the question and answer period, when someone in the audience asked him about how he got his break. Joe talked briefly about how he’d written several novels, none of which he could get published, but he refused to give up or give in to the pressure. “At one point I called my mom and said, ‘What am I going to do?’. And she replied, ‘You’re going to write another novel.’,” Joe explained. Then added, almost as an aside: “I mean, my parents write, so I figured it was the best advice I could get.” From somewhere behind me, a woman laughed and said, “No, really?!”. He went on to explain how he’d made the decision early on to go it alone, to escape from under the high-flying banner of his family name by writing under the pen name ‘Joe Hill’. “I didn’t even tell my agent my real name for ten years…and even then, it was only because it came out on the internet,” Joe explained. So who are his famous writer parents, and what is Joe Hill’s real last name? Oh…KING! As in Stephen King. I felt like a dummy…
ME: “Hey Joe, has anyone ever told you that you look like Stephen King?”
JOE: “Um, well he IS my dad….”

And here’s a few pics to whet your appetite:

Vader and friend

Should I know who this is?

Batman, Scarecrow, and a Joker....naturally

Jack Bauer

Jewel State (Dr. Keller from Stargate: Atlantis)

The cast of Stargate: SG1 (including Beau Bridges, Ben Browder, Michael Shanks, Amanda Tapping, show creator Brad Wright, and Richard Dean Anderson)

Move over, Potter…here comes TWILIGHT!

Originally published in 2006, Twilight is the first in a four book series by Stephenie Meyer known as The Twilight Saga. Like Harry Potter before it, Twilight has become a bit of a cultural phenomenon…and up until 2 weeks ago, I was completely out of the loop. So, for the rest of you who may be wondering “Who is Edward Cullen and what is so DAMN SPECIAL about Bella Swan anyway?”, let me catch you up to speed:

Bella Swan is a typical 17 year-old teenager…a little awkward, a bit different, never one to run with the crowd. When her mother remarries and sends her to live with her father in the rainy small town of Forks, Washington, Bella really didn’t expect much to change other than the scenery. But when she meets the beautiful and mysterious Edward Cullen, her life is turned upside down. He’s like no one she’s ever met–intelligent, witty, gorgeous–and a vampire. They immediately find themselves in the midst of an angst-ridden and passionate romance, made all the more complicated by Edward’s struggle against his blood-lust. And when a group of bad vamps come to town and set their sights on his soul mate, Edward and his family must fight to protect Bella at any cost.

So I gave in to the hype and picked up the first book in the series. While Twilight (and the books that follow) are most definitely meant for the YA audience, I’ll admit they are addicting. It’s got everything a teenage girl lays awake at night pining for: forbidden romance, gorgeous (and dangerous) boys falling for the average new girl in school, passionate and fated soul-mate kind of love, VAMPIRES, and…oh, more gorgeous and dangerous boys. Sounds like it’s screaming for a movie adaptation, right? EXACTLY.

When it was announced that the cast of the movie would be appearing at a Comic-Con panel this year, every teenage girl and her mother got in line to attend. And when the panel started, so did the screaming. I felt bad for the young actors, who appeared completely overwhelmed by the packed hall of 6,500 frenzied teenage girls (and more than a few frenzied adult women), and who had a hard time answering some of the questions put forth by the audience. Granted, how is someone supposed to respond when asked “How does it feel to portray the most beautiful person in the world?”. (Suggested responce: “Well, a lot like everyday life for me, really…I was totally type-cast.”)

It was obvious that no one prepped the actors on what to expect, and they really didn’t seem to have a clue what kind of cult phenom the books, the film, and now THEY THEMSELVES have become. Being that I’m no longer a 16 year old girl with stars in her eyes, content to just be in the same room breathing the same air as my on-screen crush (who WILL one day be the father of my children, by the way), the panel itself was a bit of a bomb for me. The books are great, the film will be a hit, but the star-struck teenage girls asking questions like “Kristen, what’s it like to kiss Robert for reals?!” can all go home…I would have been more content with a well-prepped panel of actors and an intelligent discussion with the author about the project. See below for a gallery of photos, or click here to view the complete set on Flickr.

Author Stephenie Meyer

Bella Swan herself, Kristen Stewart

Robert Pattinson (aka Edward Cullen)

Taylor Lautner

Cam Gigandet and Rachell Lefevre

UPDATE: In an interview with film star Robert Pattinson immediately following the Twilight panel, Robert was asked what he thought of all the screaming fans? His response: “Terrifying. It’s like the sound you hear….at the gates of hell.” I have to say, I agree with him 100%.  (to see his full response–and to catch another glimpse of that god-awful hair, click here.)

A sighting, me thinks you have had…

Yes, that’s right, I spotted my first “Yoda” on my way into the convention center this afternoon. He was hitching a ride…

I also caught a glimpse of a couple Storm Troopers…

He-Man (Master of the Universe)…

and this little Homey:

They’re EVERYWHERE!!!

Summer is here! That’s right, folks—it’s that time of year again. The temperatures are beginning to soar, school is out…and all the little children are running amok (which, of course, puts me on edge, but whatever). Summers past have taught me to avoid playgrounds, parks, coffee shops, fitness centers, malls, restaurants, amusement parks, busses, ferries, and all modes of public transportation, libraries, bike paths, and the outdoors in general, so as to avoid the annoying throngs of pre-teens and teenagers that infiltrate my frequent haunts and make my life miserable.

I thought I was prepared. I thought I had my bases covered.

I was wrong.

 

Here at Fabulous New Job, I’m experiencing a whole new kind of infiltration—INTERNS! They are everywhere, shoved into all the nooks and crannies of the office, busily crunching numbers and reviewing files, and generally feeling Very Important. If I didn’t know better, (i.e. if there were no minimum working age), I’d swear they were all 12 year olds dressed up in dad’s work clothes.

I know I’m only 29—still a Spring Chicken if you ask me—but when did kids start looking so dang young?! I swear that when I was 20, 21, 22 years old, I didn’t look that…little. *sigh* Youth, what a fair-weather friend you are.

Now someone get me a giant Intern-Sized can of Raid….

“Hello, PETA? I’d like to report a crime…”

After the events of this past weekend, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if PETA were to come knocking on my door…I’m sure if Pippin had his way, they’d be here already. You remember Pippin, my orange Persian who just so happens to be the coolest cat in the world? Well, he’s still cool…but in a completely different sense of the word.

As temperatures soared well into the 80s this past weekend, temps in the condo got a little uncomfortable as well, despite the fact that we really don’t get any direct sun during the day. With no airconditioning, it’s all we can do to keep the air circulating with fans and cross breezes–and even then, it zaps the life out of you. Clothes come off (oh stop it, sickos), popsicles get eaten by the dozens, and life’s pace creeps to a slow c-r-a-w-l. So imagine what it might be like for poor Pippin, covered in all that fur:

Needless to say, I needed to take steps to make things a little more comfortable for Pip, so we went for a little car ride. Normally a big fan of rides in the car, if he had known what fate awaited him at the end of this particular trip, I’m sure Pip would not have been so eager to tag along. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves (roll over the pics to read the captions):

  

  

So yes, Pippin got his first haircut…and it was quite an ordeal. The first ten minutes were ok, as he was caught quite off guard and didn’t really know what was happening or what he could do about it. But once he figured out what was going on, he was PISSED! Hissing and growling and thrashing about, it got harder and harder to keep him still so we could make his new ‘do’ even. But in the end, we prevailed…a MOUND of orange fur littered the floor, and Pippin wouldn’t look at me.

So what does he look like now? Well, skinny and wrinkly with a LOT of loose skin…kinda like a lion. See for yourself:

I AM a good mother….

Oh, and a BIG shout out goes to Co-Worker’s Roomie…a vet tech with clippers (and Pippin’s new Nemesis).