Archive for the ‘NaBloPoMo’ Category

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Event Horizon: My journey into Sci-Fi Geekdom…Part Deux

April 21, 2008

Told you I would need to start a series! Here’s today’s entry, a little IM conversation between Roomie and I about my recent addiction obsession love of Stargate Atlantis:

Essaytch says:

Ok, I am a N-E-R-D

Essaytch says:

I’m reading Joe’s blog and I noticed this guy posted a comment….

Essaytch says:

He was responding to another person’s comment where they made a reference to “PG”

Essaytch says:

And this guy was all ” ‘PG’ being what?”

Essaytch says:

And my immediate response was to roll my eyes and say to myself “Pegasus Galaxy. Duh.”

  Roomie says:

OH

  Roomie says:

MY

  Roomie says:

GOSH

  Roomie says:

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  Roomie says:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  Roomie says:

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Essaytch says:

Told you

Essaytch says:

N

Essaytch says:

E

Essaytch says:

R

Essaytch says:

D

Essaytch says:

You’re going to get sucked in too, I can feel it.

Essaytch says:

And then you’re going to be all “I don’t understand why everyone is so hung up on Sheppard. I mean, McKay is the one who’s REALLY saving everyone’s asses all the time.”

  Roomie says:

uh

  Roomie says:

not that sucked in!

 Essaytch says:

And then I’m gonna say: “But what about Beckett? Why did they have to go and kill him off?!”

 Essaytch says:

And you’ll be all: “That ninny Scottish dude? Nah! The new doctor is much better.”

 Essaytch says:

And then we will come to blows.

 Roomie says:

lol

 Roomie says:

Suuuuure!

 Essaytch says:

Ok, I’m cracking myself up here. Time to go home.

Someone commit me. Or stick me on the first Space Shuttle to the moon…or any other distant planet. But preferably one in THIS solar system…the Wraith are still FAR TOO BIG of a threat out in Pegasus.

 

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“It ain’t easy being green.”

April 21, 2008

A truly visionary statement from Kermit the Frog, and one that I agree wholeheartedly with. Especially considering the week I’ve had…

MONDAY 4/14: Was asked by Senior Manager to arrange a block of conference rooms that an out-of-town account team could use to prep for an upcoming client pitch. Meeting dates—April 24th-28th. Firm revenue should said pitch go well–$22M. Spent the whole day coordinating logistics.
My Stress Level (on a scale of 1-10): 4

TUESDAY 4/15: Informed by account team Director that the date for the pitch is 4/21 (not 4/28)…will need meeting rooms beginning on the 17th and going through the weekend. Uh, Houston? We have a problem. Of course, all the meeting rooms in our entire office were already booked by Other Admin to accommodate quarterly review meetings for another function. Asked Other Admin if we could juggle some things around to make some space. Her response: “No, book a conference room outside the office.” (Ok, not quite so blunt but still not too helpful…it was more like “I would suggest booking a conference room at an off-site venue.”) Informed Senior of the problem and spent the remainder of the day coming up with an alternative solution to the meeting room fiasco.
My Stress Level: 7

WEDNESDAY 4/16: Alternative solution not going to work. Account team Director and Head Honcho are panicking. Senior Manager goes above Other Admin’s head to free up some space, dropping the “This is a $22M pitch…” line in order to get our way leverage our position. It worked, but not without pissing off Other Admin. I did feel badly, considering Other Admin had probably spent a considerable amount of time arranging the logistics of the quarterly review meetings, only to have her efforts dashed at the last minute by our group. But hey…it is a $22M pitch, after all. Arranged after-hours building access for all guests, booked a dinner reservation in a private room at an Italian restaurant close to the office, and called it a day.
My Stress Level: 15

THURSDAY 4/17: The out-of-towners begin to arrive. I make final preparations for their catering for the following day, including tracking down a restaurant that will deliver dinner for 15 people downtown on a Friday night at the last minute. Am asked by the account team Head Honcho if the restaurant they are going to that night could serve a special drink right at the beginning of the meal that they could toast with. The hitch? It has to be green (don’t ask). Knowing that adding 15 apple martinis to the bill might not be a great idea considering they’ve already got a $500 food/beverage minimum in place, I make a run to Bartell Drugs to see what I can drum up. 20 minutes, $2.00, and a bottle of green food coloring later, I’m at the restaurant having a pow-wow with the bartender. We’re testing how many drops of food coloring to add to some sparkling cider to get the color green we’re going for (the answer: one). Problem solved, I head back to the office to see what other fires have popped up in the last hour. Spent the rest of the day compiling a list of downtown restaurants that are open on Saturdays for breakfast and lunch (you’d be surprised how few there really are).
My Stress Level: still 15 (come on…green drinks?)

FRIDAY 4/18: Stop by grocery store on my way to the office for fresh fruit for the group to munch on throughout the weekend. Meetings begin, all catering in place. Small emergency first thing regarding some much needed binders that were supposed to ship overnight but may not arrive in time. Spent the AM making additional hotel reservations for last minute attendees and staying in constant contact w/ catering for coffee refills and such. Discover there will not be enough box lunches to go around due to extra people attending the meeting; outside vendor cannot accommodate at short notice, so I’m picking up extras myself from another place. Receive word that dinner the previous night went off without a hitch, green drinks and all. Fabulous.
My Stress Level: 8

SATURDAY 4/19: Blissful, blissful weekend! You couldn’t have arrived a moment too soon! I had the evening to myself as the Roomies are off at a wedding, so I settled into the couch w/ my popcorn to catch up on some DVD recommendations from friends: The Mist (classic King) and the first part of Battlestar Galactica (an urgent request from my Scomerican friend). I am pleasantly surprised in my enjoyment of both. I hit the sack around 2am.
My Stress Level: 0

SUNDAY 4/20: Disaster strikes. 12:30pm, received call from account team Director, who is panicking. They had requested the hotel provide them with a projector to use in their PowerPoint presentation to the client on Monday, and the hotel was happy to oblige the request. One small problem though. They provided them with an overhead projector. (Excuse me, what century are we living in again?) The backup projector they brought with them isn’t working, so they need another one. Plus, they need a courier arranged to pick up a print job from the office and bring it to them IN OLYMPIA (note: Olympia is about 2 hours south of Seattle). Now this is all on my plate.
My Stress Level: off the charts

SUNDAY 4/20 (continued): I called our IT department to get the skinny on the current backup projector, to try and determine possible troubleshooting measures that can be taken. Relayed this to the account team; troubleshooting not working, Director wants to rent a projector. Rent? On a Sunday? Being the stellar and connected gal that I am, I make a phone call to a local AV company that I used to contract work with at a previous job many moons ago. Lo and behold! Their Production Manager just so happened to be in the office, and sure, he would rent me exactly what they needed.

SUNDAY 4/20 (still continuing): By the time I returned home six and a half hours later, I had procured one state-of-the-art video projector (at a deeply discounted rate), and a free projector stand, had picked up the print job from our office, and had driven 160 miles to Olympia and back to drop everything off.
My Stress Level: don’t ask

Now here it is, Monday, and I’m a bundle of nerves and knots, already counting down the minutes until 5pm on Friday. But I took much satisfaction when someone from the account team remarked yesterday “Do you know there is not one place in Seattle, Tacoma or Olympia that will rent a projector on a Sunday?”, to which I was able to reply “Well, there’s at least ONE place, because I was able to get it done!”, which drew laughter and applause from those gathered close by. And when Roomie IMd me this morning to ask “Have they promoted you to Supreme Admin Being yet?”, I laughed and replied “No, not yet!”

YET.
*wink*

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I love that “Google” is a verb…

April 16, 2008

I tell ya, people Google the strangest things! And their strange-and sometimes disturbing-searches often land them at my blog’s doorstep. I thought I would take this opportunity to address a few of them:

Cat Headed Warriors: Hmmm, I don’t know any. Anyone else?

Juicy Young Boys: Yes please! Sign me up…

Charlie Grenade: Uh, who? Don’t know him, and I’m not sure how a search for him steered you in my direction. A mystery, I say. Next!

How To Get A Guy To Sit Next To You: Wow, honey. Great question. My answer: try not to smell.

My Guts Hurt When I Do Psychokinesis: This sounds like a personal problem. Have you consulted your doctor? How about your friendly neighborhood parapsychologist? Science Fiction writer? Physicist? Get back to me when you find the answer…that’s a symptom I would very much like to avoid.

I know the rest of you out there get some doozies too. Care to share any of your favorites?

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This little piggy went to…Specialty’s

April 15, 2008

 

 

TIME: 3:45pm

ACTIVITY: Finally eating lunch.

WHY: Because I’m starving and have been looking up catering options all day.

WHAT I GOT: Turkey Pesto Sandwich and a brownie from Specialty’s Bakery.

WHAT ACTUALLY MADE IT BACK TO THE OFFICE OUT OF THE STORE: Turkey Pesto Sandwich.

HOW TEMPTED I WAS TO BUY ANOTHER BROWNIE: Very.

That being said…

*

*

*

*

Dear Specialty’s Bakery,

Your brownies are far too good to eat just one. For that reason, I must insist that you cease and desist all brownie making operations, effective immediately.

Sincerely,
Essaytch’s Rapidly Expanding Gut

P.S: Probably a good idea to stop with the cookie making too. I’m just sayin’…

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Vision? Overrated, I say!

April 14, 2008

Before today, the subtle differences between Arial and Arial Narrow fonts mattered not,  10.5 and 11 point  sizes seemed trivial, and the differences between one shade of navy blue and another, almost unrecognizable.  But after spending six painstaking hours going through 46 slides checking for consistency? My eyeballs want to fall out.

Is it too much to ask that everything stay the same between slide #1 and # 46? Wouldn’t you think that, by formatting each slide the same way every time, it would actually make one’s job easier? Would it hurt to not only run the spell check feature, but to also read the slide content to check for errors? Because, while “over view” is spelled correctly, it is light-years away from “overview” in meaning.

And while I have your ear, when you responded “No” to my question last week about whether that photo was simply a place-holder until you found something more relevant, I wanted to die. Please PLEASE tell me what a kitchen faucet has to do with the largest seller of athletic footwear and apparel in the world? Inquiring minds want to know.

Yours etc.

P.S…Here’s a shovel. Dig your own grave.

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A Decent Proposal…

April 10, 2008

Dear Mr. Paul Allen,

I would like to take this opportunity to say that I very much appreciate the great strides that you and Vulcan, Inc. are making in the business community, both locally and across the nation. Your forward-thinking approach to your many ventures, asking “What do we need that we don’t have? How can we realize our potential? What will it take to solve important problems and improve people’s lives? What should exist, and how might we create it—right now?” is both revolutionary and inspiring.

That being said, I have another venture to put forth for you: let’s get married. I’m a young, intelligent, professional with a sense of humor and a firm head on her shoulders. I appreciate cinema, the arts, and am an avid sports fan.

No need to respond right away! But I have two words for you: theme wedding. The reception could be held at the EMP and all your groomsmen could be Storm Troopers. It would be a match made in heaven–or rather, suborbital space.

Breathlessly awaiting your response,
Essaytch

ps…Did I mention I’m a member of the Sci Fi Museum?

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You want me to WHAT?!

April 9, 2008

Dear Manager,

When you came to me today with a “fun” project , I’ll admit I was skeptical. But then when you told me you wanted me to pull together a list of YouTube links for some specific brand name commercials, my ears perked up. “You mean you want me to spend all day on YouTube, surfing the net and watching commercials?” I asked. “Shoot…I can do that!”

And I did. And it was fun.

So thanks, Manager! That worked out well I think.

Your Dedicated Employee,
Essaytch

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Ouch! That smarts!

April 7, 2008

Dear VW Repair Man,

I must say, you’re a sneaky devil! The brand new Jetta you gave me as a loaner vehicle for the week was a dream…leather interior, heated seats, and awefully zippy! It almost made me wish the money I was spending on repairs to my vehicle could go towards the downpayment on a new VW, one that I would subsequently purchase from your fine establishment. See? I told you you’re a sneaky one! But I’m on to you…

That being said, thank you for the excellent work you did on my car last week. She purrs like a kitten now, and I’m sure she will hold up until I drive her into the ground many many years from now. On the flip side, I really didn’t appreciate the $4500 dent you made in my bank account.

Keep it Funkengruuven,
Essaytch

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Ummmmm…..wah-happa?

April 5, 2008

Dear WordPress,

I is confused. What happened to my blog dashboard? I log in, and I do not recognize where I am! I cannot find where you have put things, and I am disoriented by all the new labels. I hate to break it to you, but this whole Beta thing? It’s not working out.

Yours truly, etc, etc, blah blah blah. 

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You’ve Got It (The Right Stuff)

April 4, 2008

Dear Joseph (aka Joey-Joe),

It has been some time since we last communicated. Can you believe 19 years has flown by so quickly? It seems like only yesterday that I was gazing longingly at your picture as I drifted off to sleep…you remember the one I’m talking about? You were wearing that cute hat with the top cut out so your curly hair stuck up a bit. That was my favorite poster picture of you by far!

As I’m sure you recall, the last time I wrote it was to express my undying love and heartfelt pledge to save my affections for you and you alone, for all of eternity. I probably mentioned something about setting up my sister K with your pal Jonathan Knight too. Being the exact same age, they could technically have been married right away…a joyous event that would have naturally paved the way for our own torrid love affair.

With this letter, I’m afraid, I bring bad news: I have been unfaithful. Yes, it’s true…there have been others, Joe. Despite your incessant pleading “Please Don’t Go, Girl!”, a song which I know was written for my ears only, I have broken my pledge to you and likely destroyed all of your faith and hope in what could have been our happy future together. I know this news may not come as much of a surprise, as you were yourself married back in 2003, but I felt the need to get it out there in the hopes that we could begin to repair this rift between us.

I was glad to hear yesterday that you and the rest of the “Kids” are back in the studio and planning a long-anticipated reunion of sorts. I hope this upcoming tour can distract you from the dull ache you’ve no doubt been feeling since my unfaithfulness broke your heart to smithereens.

Take care, Joseph, and know that deep down “I’ll Be Loving You (Forever)”…

Your Favorite Girl,
Essaytch