A Year of Bad Poetry

On the 22^nd of August, 2008, in an effort to cut through the boredom with the thick knife of wit, a project was born. My co-worker, DJ Nezz, and I, two liberal arts majors awash in a sea of number-crunchers, met our  mutual fear of brain atrophy and dull-mindedness head on (no pun intended).

Destined to break out of the mold, to avoid the fate that ensnares liberal arts majors across the globe—sacrificing our analytical skills and creative minds at the feet of “The Man”—we concocted a plan to keep the mind sharp, the creative juices flowing….and hopefully, one day, make ourselves a little cash. Thus, “A Year of Bad Poems” was born.

Committed to each trying our hand at one bad poem a day for an entire year (which is harder to do than you think, by the way), DJ Nezz and I will be posting our “bad” poetry here in the bloggosphere. We hope they prove as entertaining for you all to read as they are for us to write…and one day, maybe you’ll do us the honor of purchasing our drivel in book form. Hey—stranger things have happened!

Click here or on the “Year of Bad Poems” link in the blogroll. And if you’ve got a poem to share, by all means send it our way! All manner of bad prose is welcome…

Enjoy!

Ooooh….that’s catchy!

Because I seem to be incapable of original content these days, I caved…I loved trying to guess the songs that 2LazyDogs, Dead Charming, and Scomerican Girl have posted in their iPod memes (you know–where you put your iPod on shuffle and post the first four lines of each song that comes on, and then make people guess them). So even though I don’t own an iPod per se (I’m a Zune lady myself), I thought I’d give it a go too. So I put the Zune on shuffle, and here’s what came out:

1. When you, when you forget your name
When old faces all look the same
Meet me in the morning when you wake up
Meet me in the morning when you wake up

2. So I run faster, but you caught me here
Yes my loyalties turned like my ankle
In the 7th grade running after Billy
Running after the rain

3. God blesses a man of conviction
With the evidence enough to convict him
So he stands by the side of the victim
Has strength enough to forgive him

4. You’re the fuel to the fire
You’re the weapons of war
You’re the irony of justice
And the father of law

5. I’m at the grocery store and there you are just watchin’ me
Pick up the clothes from the cleaners and look who I see
I try to lose you in my car but you won’t go away
Come on buddy don’t you think you’ve overstayed your stay

6. She said “I’ve got to be honest
You’re wasting your time if you’re fishin’ ’round here.”
And I said “You must be mistaken.
I’m not foolin’…this feeling is real.”

7. I’m not losing my war
It’s in my mind and I will spread my wings and soar
And I will fly…no, I will never deny
What’s in my heart, what’s in my mind will be justified!

8. It’s hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head’s full of things that I can’t mention
Seems I usually get things right
But I can’t understand what I did last night

9. How am I to tell that it’s over…baby please
I tried to understand
Nothing lasts forever if you had it all you’d leave
I tried to understand

10. You called me, Lord…You know my name
I’m standing now, I’m not ashamed
I’ve searched and came up empty
This world has nothing for me

11. Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry.
So I wait for You.
So I wait for You…

12. Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air…
If I should die before I wake
It’s cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air…

13. Ten years ago I fell in love
With an Irish girl…she took my heart.
But she went and screwed some guy that she knew
And now I’m in Dublin with a broken heart.

14. There’s every good reason
For letting you go;
She’s sneaky and smoked out
And it’s starting to show.

15. Sitting on an angry chair.
Angry walls that steal the air.
Stomach hurts an dI don’t care.
What do I see ‘cross the way?

16. I’ll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended so soon.

17. There’s a girl that’s been on my mind
All the time…
(insert title of song here)
Now she don’t even know my name
But I think she likes me just the same

18. My pain is self-chosen…
At least so the prophet says.
I could either burn…or cut off my pride and buy some time.
A head full of lies is the weight tied to my waist.

19. If you’re lonely and need a friend
And troubles seem like they never end
Just remember to keep the faith
And love will be there to light the way.

20. Let it never be said the romance is dead,
Cause there’s so little else occupying my head.
There is nothing I need except the function to breathe.
But I’m not really fussed…doesnt’ really matter to me.

Ok, kids! Start your brain engines and get to guessing. Winners will receive cash prizes mega props and much respect from me! I’ll post the answers the next time I’m bored at work…which may very well be tomorrow.  

 

 

 

…but next time, WITH COSTUMES!

San Diego Comic-Con 2008 was my first con…and I think it is safe to say, it will NOT be my last. I had so much fun, it’s hard to put into words. Sure, I was by myself, the lines were long, the fans were crazy, the food was ridiculously expensive ($3 for WATER!), the AC was cranked to high heaven, and the crowds were a bit oppressive at times–but that isn’t stopping me for next year! A fellow blogger put out there that we blog friends should make a point to rally in San Diego for SDCC 2009, and I wholeheartedly agree! So, put it on your calendar now, folks: July 23-26, 2009 San Diego Comic-Con 40th Anniversary! (And might I suggest making your hotel reservation NOW…buddy up to keep the rates low and book a room at the Marriott.)

Now that we’ve all agreed on that point, I suppose I should mention that in ‘09, we’re going all out: COSTUMES! Now that I’ve witnessed first hand the absolute absurdity hilarity AWESOMENESS of grown men and women dressing up as their favorite anime/sci-fi/comic book/television/cartoon characters, I think it would be SUPER FUN to join their ranks and dress up too. So start thinking up your costume…here’s a few more pics, to get those creative juices flowing:

There were a LOT of Boba Fetts roaming the pavillion...

Spartans (if only there had been 300 of THESE guys...)

Green Lantern (Billy, I nominate this costume for YOU!)

Bumblebee--yes, there's a PERSON in that thing!

GROWN MEN, I say!

I got dibbs on this one...

TMNT...cowabunga!

If you're shy, remember: No one has to see your face!!

Even if you aren't that creative/daring, just get a good skull mask.

Apparently, Sabretooth eats hotdogs…and rides a hog.

So, it’s day three of Comic-Con 2008 and I’m sitting in my hotel room resting my feet before heading back to the exhibit hall for the Masquerade–no I’m not IN IT, but there’s no way I’m missing all those costumes! Before I continue, I think it is worth mentioning that as I type this, the theme song from Super Mario Brothers (the original–”Boop boop boop, boop boop be-boop…”) is floating through my open window from the street below. Only at Comic-Con…

Anyway, there are many many posts in the works describing my time over the past few days, and I know it will take me quite some time to go through all the photos (I took over 300 yesterday alone) and sum up all the funny stories I’ve heard. But I thought in the meantime, you might appreciate a little nibble of photos, a couple of brushes with fame that I couldn’t catch on film, and my “You’re kidding!” moment of the day:

1) The exhibit hall is a CROWDED place! And depending on what is going on in the booths at any given time–in addition to the strollers, lurkers, and picture takers that generally muck up the aisles–it can be difficult to navigate through the maze of people. Sometimes, you’ve just got to spot an opening and go for it…being careful not to knock over the short people in the process. Which is what I almost did to Anthrax founder Scott Ian. He’s a short dude! I said “Sorry!”, he said “No worries!”, and then dissappeared into the crowd again. SCOTT IAN! From frickin’ ANTHRAX!! It all happened so fast, there was no way to even snap a candid photo…

2) Despite the fact that there are half a dozen or more concessions stands located in the exhibit hall, there always seems to be a 15 minute wait in line for food. There’s really no good time to go, so you’ve just got to get in line and wait it out…growing more and more hungry by the minute. But if you’re lucky, interesting celebrities (or a dozen Darth Vaders) will meander past you while you wait. If you’re me, you’ll get in line behind one and not even know it. I should have known something was up when 3 people came up to the dude in line in front of me and asked to take his picture. He was tall and burly looking, with long wavy blond hair and mutton chops, fingers adorned with silver skull rings. The equally-clueless guy behind me asked him if he rode motorcycles, to which he replied that he had both a Harley and some other kind of custom bike and that, yes, they were quite dangerous–but also very fun to ride. I followed him all the way through the line (he got a hot dog, as did I) before I clued in to who he was…none other than Tyler Mane, aka Sabretooth from the movie X-Men. When the cashier rang me up and said “Dude, you were in line behind Sabretooth!” and the lightbulb finally went off in my head, my hands were full of food and he had already disappeared into the crowd. Nuts!

3) My “No kidding!” moment of the day came when I sat in on author Joe Hill’s panel. Joe’s compilation of short stories, 20th Century Ghosts, is an excellent read for any who love the macabre, horror, or just plain creepy. His first full length novel, Heart-Shaped Box, wasn’t quite as good as his short stories (in my opinion), but Joe has a unique voice and talent for writing that I’ll continue to keep an eye on his work (especially his comic series Lock & Key). As I was sitting waiting for Joe to begin the panel, watching him shuffle his notes around before stepping up to the microphone, I thought to myself “Why does he look so familiar? He definitely looks like someone…but I can’t put my finger on it.” About 10 minutes later, I decided that I thought he looked a little like the Master of Horror himself, Stephen King, and I thought how it might come off as something short of a compliment were I to approach him and say, “Hey Joe! Has anyone ever told you that you look a little like Stephen King?” After all, King is not exactly an attractive guy, and I would say that beneath the beard and glasses, Hill falls into the “decent looking” category.
Anyway, I put the thought aside until the question and answer period, when someone in the audience asked him about how he got his break. Joe talked briefly about how he’d written several novels, none of which he could get published, but he refused to give up or give in to the pressure. “At one point I called my mom and said, ‘What am I going to do?’. And she replied, ‘You’re going to write another novel.’,” Joe explained. Then added, almost as an aside: “I mean, my parents write, so I figured it was the best advice I could get.” From somewhere behind me, a woman laughed and said, “No, really?!”. He went on to explain how he’d made the decision early on to go it alone, to escape from under the high-flying banner of his family name by writing under the pen name ‘Joe Hill’. “I didn’t even tell my agent my real name for ten years…and even then, it was only because it came out on the internet,” Joe explained. So who are his famous writer parents, and what is Joe Hill’s real last name? Oh…KING! As in Stephen King. I felt like a dummy…
ME: “Hey Joe, has anyone ever told you that you look like Stephen King?”
JOE: “Um, well he IS my dad….”

And here’s a few pics to whet your appetite:

Vader and friend

Should I know who this is?

Batman, Scarecrow, and a Joker....naturally

Jack Bauer

Jewel State (Dr. Keller from Stargate: Atlantis)

The cast of Stargate: SG1 (including Beau Bridges, Ben Browder, Michael Shanks, Amanda Tapping, show creator Brad Wright, and Richard Dean Anderson)

Move over, Potter…here comes TWILIGHT!

Originally published in 2006, Twilight is the first in a four book series by Stephenie Meyer known as The Twilight Saga. Like Harry Potter before it, Twilight has become a bit of a cultural phenomenon…and up until 2 weeks ago, I was completely out of the loop. So, for the rest of you who may be wondering “Who is Edward Cullen and what is so DAMN SPECIAL about Bella Swan anyway?”, let me catch you up to speed:

Bella Swan is a typical 17 year-old teenager…a little awkward, a bit different, never one to run with the crowd. When her mother remarries and sends her to live with her father in the rainy small town of Forks, Washington, Bella really didn’t expect much to change other than the scenery. But when she meets the beautiful and mysterious Edward Cullen, her life is turned upside down. He’s like no one she’s ever met–intelligent, witty, gorgeous–and a vampire. They immediately find themselves in the midst of an angst-ridden and passionate romance, made all the more complicated by Edward’s struggle against his blood-lust. And when a group of bad vamps come to town and set their sights on his soul mate, Edward and his family must fight to protect Bella at any cost.

So I gave in to the hype and picked up the first book in the series. While Twilight (and the books that follow) are most definitely meant for the YA audience, I’ll admit they are addicting. It’s got everything a teenage girl lays awake at night pining for: forbidden romance, gorgeous (and dangerous) boys falling for the average new girl in school, passionate and fated soul-mate kind of love, VAMPIRES, and…oh, more gorgeous and dangerous boys. Sounds like it’s screaming for a movie adaptation, right? EXACTLY.

When it was announced that the cast of the movie would be appearing at a Comic-Con panel this year, every teenage girl and her mother got in line to attend. And when the panel started, so did the screaming. I felt bad for the young actors, who appeared completely overwhelmed by the packed hall of 6,500 frenzied teenage girls (and more than a few frenzied adult women), and who had a hard time answering some of the questions put forth by the audience. Granted, how is someone supposed to respond when asked “How does it feel to portray the most beautiful person in the world?”. (Suggested responce: “Well, a lot like everyday life for me, really…I was totally type-cast.”)

It was obvious that no one prepped the actors on what to expect, and they really didn’t seem to have a clue what kind of cult phenom the books, the film, and now THEY THEMSELVES have become. Being that I’m no longer a 16 year old girl with stars in her eyes, content to just be in the same room breathing the same air as my on-screen crush (who WILL one day be the father of my children, by the way), the panel itself was a bit of a bomb for me. The books are great, the film will be a hit, but the star-struck teenage girls asking questions like “Kristen, what’s it like to kiss Robert for reals?!” can all go home…I would have been more content with a well-prepped panel of actors and an intelligent discussion with the author about the project. See below for a gallery of photos, or click here to view the complete set on Flickr.

Author Stephenie Meyer

Bella Swan herself, Kristen Stewart

Robert Pattinson (aka Edward Cullen)

Taylor Lautner

Cam Gigandet and Rachell Lefevre

UPDATE: In an interview with film star Robert Pattinson immediately following the Twilight panel, Robert was asked what he thought of all the screaming fans? His response: “Terrifying. It’s like the sound you hear….at the gates of hell.” I have to say, I agree with him 100%.  (to see his full response–and to catch another glimpse of that god-awful hair, click here.)

Comic-Con Day One: Programming Day (aka Teenage Girls Gone Wild)

Today was my “programming day” at Comic-Con, and I spent much of the day in Hall H watching previews of umcoming films from Fox, Summit Pictures, and Dark Castle Entertainment and listening to the actors, directors, and writers talk about their various projects. Fascinating and entertaining? Absolutely! Because I want to give each film their due in separate posts, here’s just a taste of what was featured:
(cool note–click on each photo to read my notes, and leave comments of your own!)

Welcome to CCI 2008

Programming Hall H stage

Full Hall H

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (opening 12-12-08)

Jennifer Connelly and Scott Derrickson

MAX PAYNE

Ludacris (aka Chris Bridges)

Hugh Jackman (aka Wolverine) surprises us all

Djimon Hounsou and Chris Evans promoting Push

All grown up

Gerard Butler and Guy Ritchie promoting Rock'n'Rolla

And then craziness ensued...

and all because of this guy (Robert Pattinson from Twilight)

A sighting, me thinks you have had…

Yes, that’s right, I spotted my first “Yoda” on my way into the convention center this afternoon. He was hitching a ride…

I also caught a glimpse of a couple Storm Troopers…

He-Man (Master of the Universe)…

and this little Homey:

Oh NO you didn’t!!!!!!

 (Pssst! Never heard of Comic-Con? Click the pic!)

Oh yes. YES I DID!

Remember all that vacay time I mentioned I had? Well, I’m spending some of it geeking out in San Diego. I’ll (hopefully) be posting some daily updates from the convention, including pics of every celebrity I see…and every Storm Trooper, Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Cylon I happen to cross paths with. Maybe even a Spock or two, who knows.

But as of right now, I’m STARVING. And considering this may be only one of a few days to see the outside of the convention center, I’m going to walk around downtown and see where I can grab some lunch. I’m thinkin’ TACOS…and a margarita.

Oh. My. God.

August cannot come too soon.

They’re EVERYWHERE!!!

Summer is here! That’s right, folks—it’s that time of year again. The temperatures are beginning to soar, school is out…and all the little children are running amok (which, of course, puts me on edge, but whatever). Summers past have taught me to avoid playgrounds, parks, coffee shops, fitness centers, malls, restaurants, amusement parks, busses, ferries, and all modes of public transportation, libraries, bike paths, and the outdoors in general, so as to avoid the annoying throngs of pre-teens and teenagers that infiltrate my frequent haunts and make my life miserable.

I thought I was prepared. I thought I had my bases covered.

I was wrong.

 

Here at Fabulous New Job, I’m experiencing a whole new kind of infiltration—INTERNS! They are everywhere, shoved into all the nooks and crannies of the office, busily crunching numbers and reviewing files, and generally feeling Very Important. If I didn’t know better, (i.e. if there were no minimum working age), I’d swear they were all 12 year olds dressed up in dad’s work clothes.

I know I’m only 29—still a Spring Chicken if you ask me—but when did kids start looking so dang young?! I swear that when I was 20, 21, 22 years old, I didn’t look that…little. *sigh* Youth, what a fair-weather friend you are.

Now someone get me a giant Intern-Sized can of Raid….