“Hello, PETA? I’d like to report a crime…”

After the events of this past weekend, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if PETA were to come knocking on my door…I’m sure if Pippin had his way, they’d be here already. You remember Pippin, my orange Persian who just so happens to be the coolest cat in the world? Well, he’s still cool…but in a completely different sense of the word.

As temperatures soared well into the 80s this past weekend, temps in the condo got a little uncomfortable as well, despite the fact that we really don’t get any direct sun during the day. With no airconditioning, it’s all we can do to keep the air circulating with fans and cross breezes–and even then, it zaps the life out of you. Clothes come off (oh stop it, sickos), popsicles get eaten by the dozens, and life’s pace creeps to a slow c-r-a-w-l. So imagine what it might be like for poor Pippin, covered in all that fur:

Needless to say, I needed to take steps to make things a little more comfortable for Pip, so we went for a little car ride. Normally a big fan of rides in the car, if he had known what fate awaited him at the end of this particular trip, I’m sure Pip would not have been so eager to tag along. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves (roll over the pics to read the captions):

  

  

So yes, Pippin got his first haircut…and it was quite an ordeal. The first ten minutes were ok, as he was caught quite off guard and didn’t really know what was happening or what he could do about it. But once he figured out what was going on, he was PISSED! Hissing and growling and thrashing about, it got harder and harder to keep him still so we could make his new ‘do’ even. But in the end, we prevailed…a MOUND of orange fur littered the floor, and Pippin wouldn’t look at me.

So what does he look like now? Well, skinny and wrinkly with a LOT of loose skin…kinda like a lion. See for yourself:

I AM a good mother….

Oh, and a BIG shout out goes to Co-Worker’s Roomie…a vet tech with clippers (and Pippin’s new Nemesis).

It’s been a while since I wrote a letter…

Dear Partner Whose Expenses I Submit,

When it comes to keeping your receipts, you are a superstar, the best in the biz! You even keep the ones you don’t need to keep, and for that I am eternally grateful. For the most part, despite your constant globe hopping, I can keep up with you, no sweat–of course, I never know what time zone you’re in, but that’s neither here nor there (well, I guess it’s more there than anything).

But I gotta say, I’m going to need your help with these:

Cause this is all Greek to me!

Faithfully Yours, etc….

Another nod to one wittier than I…

Every once in a while you stumble across a writer whose pure awesomeness is just….well, AWESOME! John Scalzi is one of those writers.

I was recently introduced to Scalzi’s work by Joe Mallozzi who, despite being one of the buissiest guys in showbusiness, still manages to read more than a few books a week, update his blog every day, and host an online “Book of the Month Club” which I am a part of. One of the club’s most recent reads was The Android’s Dream, which I would recommend to anyone with two eyes and the ability to read the english language. Don’t let the title fool you…there’s not a single android in all its 300+ pages–the title is actually a nod to the PKD novel Do Android’s Dream of Electric Sheep, from which the movie “Blade Runner” was adapted. But I digress. It is clever, funny, and has sheep in it. And let’s face it: who doesn’t love sheep?

For those of you who prefer to read little snippits of genius, I’d love to point you towards Scalzi’s blog, which he updates several times a day. My favorite post as of late, is his commentary on the Fox News “Obama’s Baby Mama” scandal: HILARIOUS! (WARNING! Reading his post is a choking hazzard. That said, click here.)

 ps…John Scalzi recently guest blogged on Joe’s site to answer BOTM clubber’s questions about The Android’s Dream. Check it out here.

How to start a fire…

Sorry for the lack of fun posts lately–or any posts, for that matter! You’d think with life as boring as it has been, that I would have plenty of time to blog. But alas…aforementioned boredom has left things a bit stagnant, and I’ve been cursed with a severe case of Writer’s Block. I have NOT, however, been left with a case of what I call “Reader’s Block”, and have in fact been logging quite a few hours in the company of books. This is thanks in part to my new-found ability to read on the bus without succumbing to extreme nausea, but mostly to a new techno-gadget I just purchased: the Amazon Kindle.

 

 

For those avid readers who prefer the feel of the printed page in their hand, or wax nostalgic at the smell of a musty paperback, this device is definitely NOT for you. But if you’re like me and you don’t care what medium it comes in as long as you can read it, then I would tell you to give it some thought. I read a bunch of reviews about e-book readers before deciding the Kindle was the right one for me, and I was glad I did. When you’re plunking down that kind of money, you better get what you’re paying for…and a little more.

Here are a few reasons I dig my Kindle:

-No Wi-Fi or PC-syncing necessary! You can download content directly to the device using the same signal as cell phones.
-Free samples. Not sure if the book is up your alley? Download a free sample first (usually the first few chapters). If you like what you’re reading, simply purchase the rest of the book without missing a beat.
-The price of the books. Newly-released hard covers that would cost you $25 in a book store are never more than $9.99 with Kindle. And most paperbacks are only $7 or less, depending on how long they’ve been in circulation.
-Built-in dictionary! If you’re reading along and come across a word you aren’t familiar with, you can look up the definition without losing your place in the book. And speaking of losing your place…
-No more book marks! Kindle keeps track of the last page you were on in every book you’re reading. So even if you’re reading 10 books simultaneously, you’ll never lose your place.
-Dog-ear pages, highlight text, and take notes in the ‘margins’ while you read.
-Amazon keeps track of all your purchases and Kindle activity. So if you delete a book (notes, highlights and all) from your device, and then want to get it back 6 months later, no problem! You only pay for the book once, and you can re-download it with all your notes intact, as many times as you want for free.

There are many other cool features–like unlimited free access to Wikipedia right on your device, no monthly subscriptions or service fees (unless you’re paying for a newspaper or magazine subscription), and how wicked you look reading one on the bus or at your local Starbucks. Sure, it is still a little spendy at about $350, but I’m sure the cost will come down once updated versions are developed…not to mention that with later versions, cooler software updates will be available as well.

The future of reading is upon us people! And if this fun gadget makes the kiddies start reading again (keeping their brains from atrophying in front of the television set or the Playstation), then I’m all for it.

Now if you’ll excuse me…I’ve got another book to download.

There once was a boy…

…and he kind of “made my world” in college. He was funny and cute and talented, and for so long I held him up as the impossible standard to which all future boyfriends had to live up to. He was “The One” (*trumpets* *fanfare*)…until, of course, he wasn’t. Then he became “That Guy”—the one whose characteristics defined everything that a future boyfriend wasn’t, the source of all the lingering issues I had with myself and men in general. Now he’s just “I Wonder If They’re Pregnant Again” Guy, but I digress.

So when did “The One” turn into “That Guy”? Well, it started at a train station in Milan, and was official somewhere between Munich and Bavaria…

In the year after 9/11, The One was living abroad while I was finishing up my time at The University of Scholastic Regrets. We decided that his living situation was the perfect opportunity for the both of us to do a little traveling, so we planned to meet in Milan and spend several weeks traveling around Italy and Germany. The first part of our trip was a blast…I had just finished taking a class about the foundations of Ancient Europe, and around every twist and turn sprang a fountain, a sculpture, or a building that stood as testimony to the history I had studied for the last 3 months. Then, in Rome, the frustration started to set in:

ESSAYTCH: Wow, Trevi Fountain!
THE ONE (bored): Hurray, another fountain.
ESSAYTCH (incredulously): This just isn’t any old fountain! The Roman aqueduct system was one of many technological advances that set the Romans apart from the rest of the Byzantine world…building elaborate and ornate fountains at the endpoint of the aqueducts that brought fresh water into the city was a symbol of Roman power. This is COOL, man!
THE ONE: Wow, did you see that motorcycle?!?!?! AWESOME!!

Ok, so maybe I started to sound a little like Rick Steves. But nonetheless, it became obvious that the rich culture and living history that surrounded us was of more interest to me than it was to him…and this was unbelievable to me! I wanted to shake him a little and say “Do you like running water?! Do you appreciate not having to draw water from a polluted well or a river that also serves as your sewer?!?! Then thank the Romans, you dummy!!!” The One was starting to lose points in the “Cultural History” department. (This became shockingly apparent on our one day in Munich, when I took a day trip to Dachau while he toured an automobile manufacturing plant. Hmmmm…)

The “Cultural History” department wasn’t the only one he was rapidly losing points in. His performance in the “Don’t Be An Asshole” department was abysmal, but hey: who doesn’t love a guy that can have you crying into your wiener schnitzel in the middle of a German hofbrauhaus?

THE ONE:You know what I love about you, Essaytch? You always eat everything on your plate.
ESSAYTCH: Ummm…are you saying I eat too much?
THE ONE: No…uh…I mean, there’s no food you don’t like. You’ll eat anything!
ESSAYTCH: What?!?
THE ONE: That’s not to say you are chubby or anything…I’m just saying you’re not afraid to try new things. And even if you don’t like it, you’ll still eat it. You’re not picky.
HELGA THE WAITRESS: Can I get you somethings more?
ESSAYTCH (with a look that could kill): A body bag?

But the proverbial straw came in a Munich train station, when The One decided he wanted to buy a book to read on the train. He couldn’t remember the last time he had read something for fun (horror!), and wanted advice on what he should buy. The racks of fiction at the newsstand consisted of a diverse selection of Tom Clancy, Michael Crichton, and Nora Roberts novels…and I convinced him that he was most likely to enjoy something by Crichton. The next three hours went a little something like this:

THE ONE(excited): Oh my gosh! Ok, so in this book there is this guy, and he’s a scientist, and he’s figured out a way to make this time machine, except the time machine can only go to this one place in France in the year 1302 and some of the guys he sent got stuck there. So he’s trying to convince these archaeologists to go in the time machine to find them, and he says…(proceeds to read a page of dialogue from the book).
ESSAYTCH (putting down my own engrossing novel to listen to him): Wow, that sounds pretty interesting.
*10 minutes go by*
THE ONE(more excited): Holy crap! Ok, so you know how the guy was trying to convince the archaeologists to go in the time machine? Listen to this! (again, two more pages of dialogue read out loud)
ESSAYTCH(getting annoyed but trying to hide it): See, I knew you would like the book!
*10 more minutes go by*
THE ONE(beside himself with glee): You’re not going to believe this! Ok, so the guy…
ESSAYTCH (interrupting): You know, I think I’ll read it when you are done. I wouldn’t want you to spoil the plot!
THE ONE:Oh, ok. You’re going to love it!
ESSAYTCH: I’m sure I will…

So while it seemed he was losing points in the “Cultural History” and “Don’t Be An Asshole” departments, he was more than making up for it in the “Me Tarzan; You Jane” department. You’d have thought he had never read a novel before in his entire life…or at least one that wasn’t part of an assignment for school. And for a gal that reads several books a month on average (often at the same time), this just wasn’t going to work out.

By the time I got back to the states, “The One” had become “That Guy”. And as soon as he got back to the states, he bought a leaf blower (“This is seriously the coolest thing EVER!”) and balance was restored to the Universe.