Here at Fabulous New Job, I get to go on a date with my fellow admins every day. Mid-morning each day, we pause from our hectic schedules and gather together to chat about how things are going, share tips and stories, encourage one another, and talk about our corporate culture and how it impacts the way we do our job each day. Some people find this 15 minutes a waste of time…personally, I think it is a fun break from the morning rush and I enjoy it.
Last week, we were discussing our values–where you get them and how they impact the decisions you make on a daily basis–and I decided to share a little story from my formative teenage years:
As part of my Catholic School education, we were required to take a variety of different religion classes in addition to the normal reading, writing, math drivel that is shoved down every high school kid’s throats. One of the requirements for every Junior was a class called “Society and Justice”, in which we learned about the many plights of people less fortunate than us, and how we as good stewards of the Earth and our fellow man could make a difference in the lives of those we were studying. All in all, this class was very well intentioned, and is one that I wish more high-schools would offer to their students ( sans the religious twist, obviously).
At one point in the curriculum, we focused on homelessness. In the course of our studies, we discovered there are many causes to homelessness other than just being a druggie or a boozer: mental illness, lack of a familial support system, being out of work, all can contribute to the cycle of homelessness that ensnares so many in America. Our teacher decided to bring in a guest speaker, a homeless man whom he met and developed a friendship with during his time volunteering at one of the soup kitchens downtown. Having had virtually no exposure to the homeless, and being the young and malleable teenager that I was, I was desperate to be told what to think, how to feel, and the appropriate way to respond with empathy to panhandlers I might see downtown or at the corner of a freeway on-ramp. Our guest speaker, I was sure, would provide the insight I was seeking. It didn’t exactly go that way.
Instead of putting a face to the numerous causes of homelessness I had studied, Mr. Homeless Joe Guestspeaker took better part of an hour to tell us how he became homeless because his good-for-nothing ex-wife took the kids and headed to California, leaving him behind with nothing. He described how he found he could make more money (tax free, I might add) panhandling every day than he ever could with a real job, how he remained homeless because he found he really liked camping, and was satisfied with his free-ride lifestyle. So much for empathy.
For years afterwards, my heart was hardened. Every time I would see someone holding a sign begging for work or food, I would think to myself (as I rolled up my windows and locked my doors): “I’ll bet that guy just likes CAMPING.” Needless to say, now that I’m an adult and have a better understanding of the world, my heart has softened…but I’m not so sure the rest of my admins are convinced.
After sharing my story, there was a barage of “Maybe he said he liked camping because he didn’t want to face the truth” and “Not all homelss people have that kind of attitude” responses. And I was left thinking, “Uh, I know that.” You see, my point in sharing the story was that sometimes, especially when you’re younger, people try to instill you with specific values, ways of thinking, or ideals. And often times, it can backfire (as in my case). It was only after growing up and experiencing the world on my own that I was able to really understand and come to adopt the values that my teacher was trying to communicate so many years ago. But apparently, they didn’t see my point. So I felt like an asshole.
After our little session, one of my new admin friends came up to me and said “By the way, I totally got that you don’t hate homeless people.” Thank god SOMEONE heard what I was saying. I think next time I share a story with the group, I will make sure to preface it clearly with “By the way, I don’t hate homeless people.”
